bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
