Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
