Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
