Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
MIDGETS
????
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
