nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
