i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
