He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
