i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
