Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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