When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Enjoy the penises
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
