four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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