Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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