I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
