Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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