Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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