we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
