Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
