Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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