all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In other news, I just burned my penis
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
