Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
