I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
