the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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