I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
