Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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