is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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