I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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