If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
