I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
