My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
