This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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