i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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