Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
