i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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