Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
