The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
wrigley field is MILF paradise
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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