I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
