I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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