Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
