He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
