Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
