this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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