i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
