i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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