Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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