That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
