even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
