when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
