why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
