I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
