M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
