I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
