There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What a dumb baby whore.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
